Relationships and Opinions

June 17th, 2008 · 3 Comments

My boyfriend spoke to someone in the medical profession today about me and my MS. This person suggested that I might not be worth staying with because I might end up in a nursing home or he will end up taking care of me. To say I am pissed off at such suggestions is an understatement.

First, I am very glad he told me this because we know this is very unlikely and if I do end up in a nursing home, chances are likely that I’ll be old and won’t remember his name anyway. Second, the idea that ‘taking care’ of someone as a negative is amusing. The reason women are told not to depend on a man is because men have not really been known in the past as dependable (no offense men). I don’t need him to take care of me but yes, I depend on him. I depended on him before-MS too and I will depend on him after-MS. Will I need him to take care of me someday? Maybe… Maybe not. Will I need to take care of him someday? Maybe… Maybe not. That is part of the relationship…. being able to depend on each other for support and if need be, taking care of the other person.

Now with that said, if I am a burden on his life (or even if he is a burden to me- after all MS isn’t the only disease in the world) and he is unable to live normally then we need to figure out how to get some professional care. If I am not worried about this then I don’t see why someone else would be. After all, I AM A PLANNER.

But seriously, with my prognosis… I don’t really see a reason to even think about that. I could spend time worrying about such things but MS is unpredictable and it’s slowly teaching me that planning won’t work.

Since Tom and I started going back to the gym, I noticed that I go blind in one eye at the beginning of the work out. This is a known issue with MS called Uhthoff’s Phenomenon. It is a temporary condition and goes away by the end of my workout. I have researched this and haven’t discovered anything that suggested this could cause long term problems. Anyway, Tom mentioned this to this medical professional and she was very concerned that I was causing long term damage to myself by working out. This of course concerned Tom and he thought I was hurting myself on purpose. (So, I might have found it slightly amusing and giggle when I went blind but that is simply because I understood what was happening.)

I showed Tom some links but I am not sure he’s convinced. He thinks I am hiding some of the “bad” parts of MS. Relationships are hard enough without random ‘medical professionals’ telling boyfriends that their girlfriends are going to be blind and living in a nursing home at 30. Geez.

I received my first month of Copaxone in the mail today! The nurse is coming out on Thursday to show me how to do it.

Tags: Newly Diagnosed · Treatment

3 responses so far ↓

1 Nadja Tizer // Jun 19, 2008 at 11:54 am

Excercise is good for you. Don’t let the naysayers tell you otherwise. I heard this first hand from an MS nurse and an exec at Swedish Hospitals Alternative Medicine Centre.
As to the relationship… This disease is hard on those too, especially after initial diagnoses. Hang in there. if your love is real, you will find a way.

[Reply]
2 Patti // Jul 12, 2008 at 1:07 am

Boy what a bummer!!! That so-called medical professional shouldn’t be one that’s for sure. I have had MS since I was 14 but was only diagnosed when I was 43 (about – look I’m old(ish) and my memory is shot – not due to the MS but just because I’m getting older is all). So I had years and years of ignoring whatever was happening and getting married and having 3 children – the eldest of which has given me 2 grandchildren. My husband has been amazing in my bad days (or years) but now I’m good again and he broke his leg so the caree has been taking care of the carer for the last 7 months. So one can never tell what will happen. I really hope that your boyfriend takes absolutely no notice of this neer do well (sorry haven’t spelt this right but you know what I mean I hope). I will read the rest of your blog later I’m of to see your mom right now. Lots of Love Patti the displaced Yank xxx

[Reply]
nina reply on July 13th, 2008 8:51 pm
The boyfriend is a good guy. He says it doesn’t worry him that I have MS. I look at him in dismay and he says no really, it doesn’t bother me. I don’t think it does but I know getting in touch with emotions can be hard for some men.

Thanks for the reply. I’ll check your blog out!

[Reply]

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